Kahu's Manao

Keawala‘i Congregational Church
United Church of Christ (USA)

Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time
Sunday, October 4, 2009

The Rev. Kealahou C. Alika

“Enfolding Love”
Hebrews 1:1-4; 2:5-12 & Mark 10:2-16

“Is this your first marriage?” I asked.

“No,” she replied. “I was married once before but got a divorce.”

“What happened?” I asked as we continued what had become a premarital counseling session with her fiancé.

She hesitated and stammered for a second. He grasped her hand as though to reassure she was safe.

“Whenever he got angry or upset he would hit me,” she said as her voice tapered off.

“We were married for six years,” she continued. “I thought if I just tried harder to understand him that the violence would stop, but it didn’t.”

“It was hard because my family belongs to a church that doesn’t believe in divorce – period. The Bible says it’s wrong.”

That’s all it took for me to blurt out, “I don’t recall the Bible saying that it is alright for one human being to assault another human being because they are angry.”

When I realized what I had said, I apologized. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I know we’re taught that divorce is wrong but I also know it is wrong to remain in an abusive relationship. The Bible may not say that and frankly at this point I don’t care.”

“I know there is no place for physical, emotional, sexual and even spiritual violence in any of our lives because we’re also taught that God is love. So as far as I’m concerned, whenever such violence occurs, get out. It’s over. It’s done. And if the church doesn’t like it, let the church marry him.”

I apologized again realizing that much of my impatience was from experiencing divorce in my own family. Others may say what my mother did was wrong and that she should have tried to work things out. But I know the relationship had come to end and it was time for my mom and my step-dad to move on.

Most if not all of us have been touched in some way by divorce – whether it has occurred in our own lives or in the lives of others we know. Our reading from The Gospel According to Mark this morning has always troubled me because it seems to be a source of great comfort to those who pride themselves in insisting that divorce is wrong.

The text pushes us to ask the question: Of what comfort is this to those who have been crushed under the weight of a broken relationship?

One day, the Pharisees or religious leaders decide they will test Jesus by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” “Yes,” Jesus answered, “because of your hardness of heart” Moses allowed you to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” (Mark 10:5)

He goes on to say that the reason a man leaves his father and mother is to join to his wife. Therefore, we recall the words we often hear at marriage ceremonies. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:7-9)

Biblical scholars tell us that the word translated as “lawful” comes from the Greek language and that it carries the meaning of “what is permitted.” To ask if something is permitted is not the same as asking what is right.

In other words, divorce is something that can be done, but it is not what God intended. (Pastoral Perspective, Feasting on the Word, Year B, Volume 4, Season After Pentecost 2, Bartlett & Taylor, Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, Kentucky, 2009, page 142) Jesus was keenly aware that if a woman received “a certificate of divorce” she would lose all of her rights, including the right to own property.

That their lives could be so easily torn apart by a signature on a piece of paper was a clear concern for Jesus. When he replies to the Pharisees, Jesus does not ask what Moses permitted, but what Moses “commanded.” In doing so the discussion becomes not about what is right or wrong but about what is just.

This emphasis is on what is just flows into the welcome Jesus extends to children both in word and gesture. It is said that the phrase “took them in his arms” literally means to “bend the arm” – or to cradle or to enfold.

That sense of welcome to children is also extended to all especially those who are vulnerable, not merely because it is permitted but because it is the just thing to do. It is a welcome extended to women who become vulnerable. For Jesus, the kingdom of God was unfolding and so the question raised by the Pharisees about divorce and Jesus’ response was not about what was permissible under the law, but what was now possible in this unfolding kingdom of justice. (Op. cit., page 144)

The Pharisees are out to “test” Jesus. He is probably aware that whatever response he gives to what is essentially a complex dilemma for many would not satisfy the Pharisees. So he turns the conversation around and talks not so much about divorce as he does marriage – about what God intends for those who make such a commitment.

We all know that breakdowns in relationship bring hurt and separation. God’s response is to enfold all of us – those who feel estranged, those who feel left out – with a love that blesses with wholeness and inclusion. Because of the enfolding love we receive through the welcome Jesus offers to all of us, we then are called to welcome others, to enfold others with that same aloha.

As we continued to talk about their upcoming wedding, she disclosed that her mother was not going to be present. For her mother, divorce was wrong. But for her - and yes, for me - it was not about whether divorce was right or wrong, but whether or not it was just.

It was about whether or not one should remain in a relationship that was broken. It was about whether or not any of us would subject ourselves or our children to violence of any kind in our homes.

At one point in our visit, I asked her what it was that she appreciated about her fiancé. Without hesitation she said, “He is a gentleman. He is a gentle man!”

Her fiancé did not say anything. Instead reached out and grasped her hand for the second time.

On this World Communion Sunday, we come to share the bread and the cup that have been prepared for us. We come to remember and celebrate the one who is our Good and Gentle Shepherd. Amen

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